Yo dont text me then not text me
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
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