from now on my penis is your penis
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I'm getting married
To pizza
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Randomize
