I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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