We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize