it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
i out mim tonsoeep
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