apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
