i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Come see our sink grown plant.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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