Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I just googled if crying burns calories
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
