It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize