well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
