My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
