I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
