....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Text me some of your sweat
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
