I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
