you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Randomize
