Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
