Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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