Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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