If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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