I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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