Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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