Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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