drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
tell your sister to shave her snatch
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
