i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
