I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
