i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
