TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
vagina is talking i cant
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Randomize
