tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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