i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
