Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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