so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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