You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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