I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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