jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
