Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Randomize
