Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
