remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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