I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
