Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize