whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
My hand turned me down
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
