it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
