when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
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