Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
