I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Welp...herpes.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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