I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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