Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Randomize
