Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
