I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
