My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I woke up under a house in Key West
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
