fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
