she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
