Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
