Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
