I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Randomize
