As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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