He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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