just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Randomize