five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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