Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize