My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
