her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
