you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
