that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Randomize
