Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
