Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Yo dont text me then not text me
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
