i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
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