I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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