Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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