dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
