i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
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