i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I think i peed on brittanys purse
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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