apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
