That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
