we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
