You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
