you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
