I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
