I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
