I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
