I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
