My friends, they love my intelligence
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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