you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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