You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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