I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
