Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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