i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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