New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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