I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Found the puke drawer
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize