do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
