well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
