They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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