I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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