We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
