dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
