dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
