How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
