she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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