she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
