a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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