Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
