$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
