Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Drunk is a universal language darling
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
