Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
