Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
