It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
