I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
