Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
