Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
