you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
