She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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