I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
