Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
