Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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