My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
He better not be in your backpack
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
