it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
you would pick up someone in the library
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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