5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize