i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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