haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
