The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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