Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(336): View more from North Carolina

I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.

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(330): View more from Ohio

just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.

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(904): View more from Florida

Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.

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(314): View more from Missouri

New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?

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(858): View more from California

you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.

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(801): View more from Utah

Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day

(412): View more from Pennsylvania

so i said i had a yeast infection

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(719): View more from Colorado

They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.

(719): View more from Colorado

Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.

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