if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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