Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
In other news, I just burned my penis
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize
