you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
