do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I'd cum for enchiladas.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
