did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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