By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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