I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
