Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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