Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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